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The Going Tiny Series, Part 27 of 45 · Guide 4 of 5: Bringing Them On Board
A free chapter goes up every day. See every part. Rather have it all at once, with printable worksheets? Get the Going Tiny Toolkit.
When I asked Tiny House Talk readers what was holding them back from going tiny, going small, downsizing, or simplifying, more than a hundred of them named the same thing: a person they love.
Not a villain. Not a bad partner. Usually a husband, a wife, a partner, a teenager, or a whole family who simply didn’t see it the same way, at least not yet.
“Husband!! I would be happy living in the woods off grid or traveling across the world in a tiny van. My husband worries about what his family and friends would think!”
— Camille, Tiny House Talk reader
“What is holding me back is different goals between my husband and myself. I am the minimalist in the house. My hubby is a collector. Together we are an awesome team… I would never ask him to change that, I have too much respect for him.”
— Bev, Tiny House Talk reader
Other readers told me their spouse didn’t think the two of them could live in tight quarters without driving each other crazy. That their teens were mortified by the idea. That a partner’s job, or a promise not to change schools, tied them to one place. That a spouse had a hobby for every season and the gear to match. One reader kept showing her husband floor plans with their current furniture drawn in, hoping it would click.
If any of that sounds like your house, this guide is for you.
What this guide is (and isn’t)
This is a practical, respectful guide to having the conversation about living smaller with the people you share a life with. It’s about listening, understanding what’s really behind a “no,” trying things in low-risk ways, and designing a home where more than one person can be happy.
It is not a playbook for convincing, persuading, or wearing anyone down. You won’t find manipulation tactics here, because they don’t work for long and they cost too much. A home someone was pressured into is a home they’ll resent.
It’s also not therapy. If the conversations in your house are already painful or strained, a licensed couples or family counselor can help in ways a book can’t. I’ll point to that again where it matters.
The most important sentence in this guide
You do not have to go tiny. Neither does anyone you love. Simplifying where you are, decluttering, moving to a smaller house or apartment, a backyard cottage, an RV for the summers, a getaway cabin: every one of those counts. Most couples who end up happy with “smaller” land somewhere in the middle, not at 200 square feet on a trailer.
How to use this in one evening
- Read Parts 28 and 29 (about 30 minutes). They change how you think about the disagreement.
- Fill out Worksheet 1 (Our Values & Dreams) on your own (15 minutes). Don’t share it yet.
- Skim Part 30 and pick two or three phrases you’d actually say out loud.
- Pick one low-risk trial from Part 31 you could suggest this month.
- Print the rest of the worksheets for later. Several are designed to be filled out separately by each person and then compared.
The remaining chapters are there when you need them: designing for two, kids and grandkids, the in-laws, and what to do if you still disagree.
A word on language
I’ll mostly say “partner” to cover husbands, wives, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, and long-time companions. Everything here also applies to adult kids, siblings, or a parent you live with. Readers’ quotes keep their own words.
Want to do this on paper?
The printable PDF of Bringing Them On Board has fill-in worksheets for this step, including:
- Our Values & Dreams
They come with all five guides in the Going Tiny Toolkit.
Top photo: They taped their tiny house on the living room floor first. Photo: Far Out Tiny Homes. See their story.
Your turn
Is someone in your life on the fence about living smaller? Share what's worked (or hasn't) in the comments.
Prefer the clean, printable version?
This series is free to read here, and it always will be. If you’d rather have it as five clean, printable PDFs, that’s the Going Tiny Toolkit:
- Bringing Them On Board (the guide this chapter comes from): conversation starters, low-risk trial ideas, and worksheets for couples and families
- The Tiny House Money Plan
- Where Can I Put It?
- Tiny Without the Ladder
- Your First Tiny Steps
Every guide adds printable worksheets and a 30-day action plan, and Tiny Without the Ladder comes with the bonus One-Level Floor Plan Idea Book (18 to-scale floor plans). All five are $47, with a 30-day refund.
← Previous: Part 26: Working With a Builder on a One-Level or Accessible Tiny Home
Next (tomorrow): Part 28: Going Tiny Together: You're Not Trying to Win
Not sure which part matters most for you? The free 10-minute What’s Really Holding You Back? quiz tells you where to start. And to get a new part (and a new home) in your inbox each day, join the free Tiny House Newsletter.
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase through one of our links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you.
Alex
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